Temps will be soaring soon enough, so there’s no better time to kick-off my summer skin series sure to take skin from winter-weary to warm weather-ready without missing a beat. Check out my all-time faux glow go-to’s (I tried them ALL so you didn’t have to).
As a young girl growing up in New Jersey, I’ve endured my share of white girl problems every summer. I’ve always been obsessed with wanting skin that tanned easily and deeply, offering a beautiful contrast to my long, golden locks. Maybe because my German and eastern European roots had other plans. Who knows? However, wanting and achieving are two entirely different things. Each summer seemed to be more blisteringly painful than the last. It was the same cardinal skin sin cycle, summer after summer. Burn, peel, tan, repeat next year. In the 80s, we were recklessly advised going through that pre-summer, scorching, burn-and-peel phase was par for the course and just set us up for a nice base tan for when school let out and summer kicked-in full swing. The lies we were told. I even fell for the equally deceptive tanning bed myth at the ill-gotten advice of a former co-worker after I was told the “harmless” UV light emitted from those cancer machines was so much safer than the unforgiveable rays of the sun. More lies.
Finally at 21, after filming two episodes of the 90s syndicated, superhit, lifeguard series, Baywatch, did I promise myself I was going to start practicing safe sun. No more sunbathing, no more tanning beds. It was at this time I was introduced to the “new generation” of upgraded faux glow-getters that promised a head-to-toe tan that mimicked those of all the bikini-clad extras on Baywatch – all with complete credibility. I was willing to try anything because I simply couldn’t deal with donning white, pale skin. Everyone knows tanned skin makes you appear tighter and more toned. It highlights muscle definition and all that hard work you put in at the gym. It isn’t a mistake pro bodybuilders and competitive female fitness models make a spray tan appointment prior to show day. There’s a method behind their bronzing madness.
My first foray into the updated, self-tanner scene happened upon returning from Los Angeles after my Baywatch stint. I half-heartedly returned to my “day job” - go-go dancing at a local, upscale gentlemen’s club where one of my pole dancing associates kindly introduced me to a rather stellar, next-level if you will, super self-tanner from legendary beauty conglomerate, Estee Lauder, called Self-action Sunless Tanning Lotion. If you’re a Gen-Xer, you’ve probably gleaned this bad boy on department store shelves back in the day. I knew it had to be worth the sticker shock of $26 (it was 1996 and even this price tag was a bit too pretentious even for the unsuspecting stripper with superfluous cash to spend) because her skin always had a deep, dark glow, ala the Jersey shore. I just figured she visited the tanning salon every week like the rest of us tan-obsessed suckers, but, to my sheer surprise, her impressive sun-kissed skin tone was straight from the iconic orange bottle. Gone were the days of the awfully offensive Coppertone QT, the original Oompa Loompa-tinged self-tanner with a side of streaks that had us body bronzing buffs running straight for the hills – and the tanning beds.
What I loved about the Estee Lauder self-tanner, and many of the high-end tanners that would follow, was that it was super easy to apply, lightweight, dried quickly, and produced an even, beautiful, bronzed hue while you snoozed. The first time I tried it, I applied before bed and woke up to the sun-kissed color of my dreams. Overnight, I got glowy gams, abs, arms, and everywhere else that suddenly appeared more sculpted and cinched. I finally achieved the safe, “just back from Bora Bora” beach glow I’ve been going for! This new and improved lineup of tanners of the mid-90s lasted for up to 10 days and stayed put through sweating, swimming, spinning, sexing, and yes, even stripping. I followed the directions precisely and waited at least an hour for my skin to fully dry before slipping between the sheets, though it advised 30 minutes would suffice. Most formulas today only advise waiting for skin to “dry,” which could realistically take up to 30 minutes. I never chance it. I always wait at least 45 minutes before getting into bed to avoid mess-ups like streaks, spots, or splotches come morning. Like most self-tanners on the market today, it did leave that peculiar, off-putting, “copper penny” smell DHA (the key ingredient in self-tanner – the sugar molecule that interacts with your skin, giving it that nice brown hue that lasts up to 10 days) is notorious for. It’s one of the single, most-hated things about self-tanner to a lot of beauty buffs, but if it means saving my skin from the damaging effects of the sun and even cancer, I’ll suck it up. It’s a small price to pay for a believable bronze that won’t wage war on my skin in the form of wrinkles, crinkles, freckles, and other fucked-up shit. But, for the first time in my life, I got the deep brown, even-toned tan from head-to-toe minus the orange-pigmented palms, which I would eventually learn to avoid with the use of an airbrushed, blending mitt (more on that in the next post).
In 1996, a bottle of Estee Lauder Self-action Sunless Tanning Lotion would set you back $26 bucks, so that’s a habit I wouldn’t be able to hold-up for too long, even on lucrative stripper salary. So, my next faux find was the Clinique self-tanner that came packaged in the brand’s iconic pastel green tube and retailed for only $16 and lasted a bit longer than its more expensive Estee Lauder counterpart. To be honest, while it provided a nice brown color and was quite moisturizing, I found I had to layer my skin with at least two applications to achieve the nice, deep glow the Estee Lauder bestowed upon my bronzing biddings. But, I digress.
Unbeknownst to me, this newfound, self-tanner discovery would lead me down a nearly 30-year rabbit hole of testing the hottest self-tanners that came to market. With the billion-dollar beauty industry evolving around skin cancer awareness, safe sun, and anti-aging, consumers were no longer interested in slathering their poor, susceptible skin with bottles of baby oil and laying out in the backyard all summer. Deep, dark, leathery-looking tans were no longer fashionable – or safe. Foolproof, faux glows were the new tanning standard. After devoting my hard-earned cash to Clinique for years, I was offered to try Sun Labs’ Sun Goddess Self-Tanning Lotion – a well-known beauty supply store staple. In the early spring of 2002, I went on an audition in the San Fernando Valley to become a spokesmodel for the brand, and while I didn’t land the coveted gig, I got sent bottles of their innovative tanning product upon request…at no charge EVER! All I had to do was make a quick call to the CEO who had auditioned me, and he’d personally replenish my supply – no questions asked. Sort of like a consolation prize. Over the course of 10 years, I was able to procure free bottles of Sun Goddess before the formula’s immediate bronzing action just became untenable. This particular self-tanner was the first time I was introduced to one that contained instant bronzing color upon application and things were starting to get messy. No waiting 8 hours for color to develop. That is what made Sun Goddess self-tanner so revolutionary. It was one of the first self-tanners to offer this “color guide” or instant bronzer. Prior to that, both the Estee Lauder and Clinique formulas applied clear. At first, I liked the idea I had an instant bronze glow with a more lasting self-tanner developing within 8 or so hours, but eventually my infatuation for the fake stuff wore off.
Here’s why.
Self-tanner formulated with bronzer, or as manufacturer’s like to call it, “color guide,” soils EVERYTHING in sight! From sheets to toilet seats, white tees/tanks to white towels, you name it. It goes everywhere and gets on everything. Think about it. Bronzer is makeup. It is made from the ingredient known as mica. You don’t go to bed with makeup on your face, do you? I would certainly hope not. When I would use the Sun Goddess self-tanners, I would use them right before bed and my sheets would be an unbecoming brown mess come morning. It literally looked like I slid into second base. Totally gross and I could no longer stand it. So, these days, I only stick to what I learned on – the clear, self-tanner that takes a few hours to develop and continues to develop over the next few days. For me and my lifestyle, the clean and clear ones just work. Plus, I like my crisp, white tanks and tube tops not to have the telltale rings of self-tanner all over them.
So, without further ado, here are my “ride-or-dye” faux faves that give me that sizzling, sun-kissed color I crave and why they’re the best of the bronzing bunch. No sun damage necessary:
• Million Dollar Tan Cabana Tan Sunless Tanning Lotion ($24.99) Milliondollartan.com – I freaking love this self-tanner! I was given a full-body, one-time sample from a very thoughtful saleswoman in Nordstrom in Newport Beach and let me tell you…The sample was enough for only one application, but the color was so dark and deep, that one of girls who worked at one of the coffee shops I used to frequent spotted me from across the parking lot wearing shredded daisy dukes with my sun-kissed stems walking toward the building. She thought I just got back from vacation somewhere exotic! And, the color didn’t start fading until after 2 weeks! It just kept getting darker and darker as the days progressed. The formula is impressive, hydrating, and it’s aptly named. You’ll feel like a million bucks with the beach-beautiful bronze glow you’ll get to flaunt all summer. Ironically, the line even has a “Baywatch” gradual self-tanner that also applies clear, but you need to apply multiple layers to get the deep, dark color the Cabana formulation provides in just a single application. So, if flaunting a light glow is your tan goal, then the Baywatch pick will be your newest bronzing BFF.
• Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs Tanning Water Spray-on Self-tanner (best for beauty on a budget) – I scored this for around $6 on Skinstore.com (now Dermstore.com) and figured I’d give it a go. For the price, I figured I’d just toss it if it made me orange or streaky. There were mixed reviews online, so I tanned with trepidation. But, to my surprise, I woke the next day to a nice, even brown hue. The only caveat is it comes in a spritz form, which could get problematic. Plus, I have white, fur rugs in my vanity area, so a spray-on application is a no-go. Instead, I just spritz it on my tanning mitt and apply to my body in sweeping, upward motions. I had no streaks, no spots, no orange tint. And, it produced a nice medium-level tan, not too light and not too dark. For six bucks, this self-tanner is a total win that won’t bust your beauty budget.
• MineTan Gradual Violet Self-Tan Foam ($29.95) Minetanbodyskin.com – This formula may be discontinued, but if you can find it anywhere on the internet, grab it. It is a water-to-foam application containing violet, color-correcting actives to neutralize any yellow/orange tint. Because it’s a gradual self-tanner, you will need to apply multiple layers to get a deep, dark bronze, but it’s worth it. An entire bottle will last you all summer and there is ZERO self-tanner smell. I don’t know how this brand was able to manage removing the elusive DHA odor that other brands had failed to do, but they did. There is also no fragrance at all, so it won’t be competing with any perfumes you want to wear once the color has developed. The only con with this pick is your skin will remain sticky and tacky to the touch for a few hours. I always self-tan before bed, so by the time I wake up, the stickiness is gone, and my skin is smooth and glowy. Unexpectedly, this was a great product when I first found it four years ago. I regret not purchasing more bottles when I had the chance.
• Isle of Paradise Dark Glow Clear Tanning Mousse ($32) Sephora.com, IsleofParadise.com – If you’ve got some extra cash to burn, give this new, self-tan brand a go. Like the Mine Gradual Self-tan, it is a water-to-foam formula that contains purple bronzing actives to neutralize any orange tinge you may get, giving you a rich-looking, long-lasting, Island-hopping tan.
• SOL by Jergens Deep Water Tanning Mousse with Coconut Water ($8) Walmart, Walgreens, CVS, Amazon.com – A multi-year Allure Magazine Beauty Award Winner, Jergens never seems to disappoint its diehard self-tan fans. So, it comes as no surprise the drugstore gem brand brought an airy, fluffy formulation to market for self-tan lovers who wanted a deep, dark tan in just one application without the multiple applications their original gradual self-tanner required. As I’m very discerning about my drugstore beauty picks, I didn’t have high hopes for this. But, again, the price point was just too enticing, and in 2021 when it was first introduced, I couldn’t resist test-driving a new self-tanner from a brand so many have come to swear by to achieve their faux glow goals. So, I gave it a try before my late summer Charleston trip in 2021 and this stuff rocked. Like the brand touts, it’s “Sun’s perfect color in a bottle.” No orange hues, no streaks, long-lasting, and smells amazing! Plus, the coconut water hydrates and nourishes your skin from top-to-tip. A total win-win. The bottle is only 5 fluid ounces; therefore, you won’t be getting as many applications as the aforementioned, but you won’t need to apply multiple layers to achieve a really deep glow. The brand also has a medium formulation for those who just want a touch of tan. Jergens also just introduced a version with an instant bronzer for those who don’t like to wait and who don’t worry about bronzer rub-off – Sol by Jergens No Wait Tropical Tan Tinted Mousse Sunless Tanning Medium.
So, there you have it! These are my top faux glow faves. Remember, NONE of these are one-night-tans. They ALL contain DHA, which means you’re stuck with your sun-kissed glow for at least a week or more before it will begin to fade like a natural tan. If you’ve got color commitment issues, I suggest slathering on a bronzing body oil, lotion, spray, or cream that will easily wash off in the shower. Coming up, I’ll be testing the NEW b. tan glow your own way next level insanely dark clear self-tan gel ($14.99), available at Target, Amazon, Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, and ULTA. I am super stoked to try this brand because the bottle is huge, and it retails on Amazon for under $12! Stay tuned on my tanning turnout.
And, don’t forget to read part two – Stop Self-tanning Slip-ups! I dish on all the deets, how-to’s, and secrets I swear by for a seamless, flawless faux glow EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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